by Sandy Amponsah a.k.a. Kreative Sandy
I left Patrick's room in tears and spent the following days in the same condition.
"Araba, it's alright. You don't have to hurt yourself like this because of a mistake you made," Bertha consoled me one morning after Laudes had left. Anita too had gone home to see her mum.
"Bertha, this is not a mistake. I brought it upon myself. I'm the one at fault here," I said and burst into fresh tears.
"God still loves you. Believe that and you can move on," Bertha went further.
"God? Bertha just leave me alone please. I want to be alone,"
"So won't you go for lectures anymore? You've been like this for weeks"
"Bertha just leave me alone please. Only God knows if i can ever recover from this."
"Hmm! I'm leaving then, take care, " She said and left.
What hurt me at that moment was not that I had fornicated and gotten pregnant but I had also committed an abortion with the help of Patrick. I felt I was going crazy. The guilt, the remorse and the fear was killing me. I had to do the abortion because Patrick said he wasn't ready to take care of any child. I also didn't know how I could face my uncle with the pregnancy.
My state was worse than all those I had condemned. I couldn't bring myself to handle the situation.
I saw them as they came towards me. They took me and threw me to the floor. They held stones in their hands and looked angrily at me.
"What have I done to you," I screamed.
"Shut up you sinner, today is your end."
"Yes she deserves to die" I heard them chanting.
I recognize some of the faces as the people I had once condemned. It looked like they were going to stone me.
"JESUS!" I screamed and woke up.
"Oh God, I was dreaming, " I whispered somewhat relieved with my heart pounding heavily. Then I heard a knock on the door.
"Who could it be?" I thought as I walked towards the door slowly.
I opened the door and there was this guy carrying a bible.
"Hello. I'm Abraham but you can call me AB. Can I share the Word of God with you for a short moment ? " He asked.
I recognize him as one of the leaders of Christ Nation.
"No please. I'm busy right now. You can come later," I said.
"But I wouldn't take too much of your time. I just want you to know that God loves you no matter what, He said smiling.
"I said I'm busy. Just leave me alone," I said and shut the door at him.
I wasn't in the mood for any sermon. I had tried all my life to live for God only to fail now. I felt so bad of myself and unworthy. I didn't want to hear anything about God. I knew he was disappointed and mad at me for letting him down this way. I felt so bad about myself.
"So you did not only fornicate, you got pregnant and killed an innocent child as well. How wicked can you be? Yet you go around condeming anyone who does wrong. You've seen your end right? You know you will go straight to hell right? God will never forgive you," he said to me.
I couldn't see his face well but his words pierced my soul. As I was recovering from his words. I heard some ladies gigling behind me.
"Madam Holico, We've heard your story. Hehehe! So what will you do now? You think you can be walking around free after such sin. You deserve to be struck to death," one of the ladies said.
At this point I began weeping.
"Araba, what is it?" I heard Anita's voice.
She was probably back from home.
"I jerked out of my bed and realized it was another horrific dream," Anita I don't know what to do with my life again. Maybe I should just commit suicide and be free," I said in tears.
"Araba relax. Listen to me. We all know you did the wrong thing but it doesn't mean that's the end of your life. God still loves you whether you believe it or not. Romans 5:8 says God demonstrated his love towards you whiles you were still a sinner. So God loved you even when you were a sinner so he doesn't love you because you live right. He loves you because he is love, " Anita said.
"But Anita, I shouldn't have given in to Patrick. I just shouldn't. Now i have myself to blame.....
To be continued....
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